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LYSISTRATA JONES playwright, three-time Tony®-nominated Douglas Carter Beane, explains it all for you!

Lysistrata Jones

(liss-iss-STRA-tuh /  joanz)
Do you have a friend who is so bubbly and quirky and enthusiastic, and as much as she might wear you out, when she leaves, you know she’s made you a better person? You have a friend like that? You want one? Well that’s Lyssie J to a T.

Mick

(mik)
It’s short for Michelangelo; his dad wanted him to be major. And he’s got it all just right: jock, jock courses, sweet GF. He’s getting ready to settle and wouldn’t you know it? Now he’s starting to read poetry. That’s gotta be messing with his head.

 

Hetaira

(huh-TEER-uh)
A hooker, but in Ancient Greece, so much more than a hooker: a courtesan a conversationalist, a provocateur, a holder of symposia. Oh, and a good time, too. They say it was a hetaira that came up with the idea of democracy (only a madame would know ALL men are created equal.) They say Aristophenes based the original Lysistrata on a local hetaira. Well, our Hetaira has come from ancient Greece to tell us this modern tale. Oh, and she’s also a local madame in the story—hey, a girl’s gotta make a living!

Robin

(RAW-bin)
A book worm, a workstudy student, a media specialist, and when nobody is looking—one hell of a poetry slammer. Somebody, quick, text Russell Simmons!

 

Xander

(ZAN-der)
This blogger is so liberal he’s held benefits for diseases that have already been cured.

 

Lampito

(lamb-PEE-toe)
Girlfriend is the LAST one you think would take any kind of a stand. She’s cynical, she’s cool, she’s over it, she’s on it. But when when her boyfriend starts taking her for granted, it’s time for this one to make a stand on her platform heels. Oh yeah, and there’s a little Harajuku going on there, because she’s stylin’ it.

 

Myrrhine

(muh-REEN)
Here’s a friend of Lyssie’s who wound up at Athens U. when her first choice school lost her transcripts. Be careful picking those second choices! She’s a good friend, a smart ally, but don’t cross her, oh no. Girl’s revenge just DOMINATES our second act.

 

Cleonice

(Klee-oh-NICE-ee)
Another friend and sis of Lys. They say in Arizona they test people to make sure they don’t sound or act too Latin. Cleo would proudly fail that test with flying colors. Verdad?

 

Cinesias

(Kuh-NEE-see-us)
Best friend of Mick, on the basketball team and this suburban boy is throwing himself into the hip-hop lifestyle. Word.

Tyllus

(TILL-us)
Tyllus is right on track. He’s got it all figured out. The perfect girlfriend, the right courses. His career is spread out before him. Now if he can just forget who he truly is, he’ll be fine.

 

‘Uardo

(WAHR- doh)
The man, the myth, the machismo machine.

 

Harold

(HAIR-uld)
When DC announced they were starting all their comics over with issue one, homeboy here just lost it.